Lots and lots of crackers
omg so many crackers
Many, many years ago we were praising a ten-year-old friend of ours for being so confident on skis, and he shrugged modestly and said, “I’m basically, like, 85% of a professional skier.” And ever since then, that’s been how everyone in my family responds to praise of any kind.
“Your basil is getting so lush!”
[shrugs modestly] “I’m basically, like, 85% of a professional herb grower.”
“Ooh, I like your shoes!”
[shrugs modestly] “I’m basically, like, 85% of a professional foot model.”
What I’m trying to say is: I’m basically, like, 85% of a professional cracker maker.
I don’t always make crackers. In fact, I can go for months or years at a time without making any. But given that crackers are one of our major household food groups and given that we also have a major gluten allergy here, it is not really a financially sustainable situation, the buying of crackers. I do eat a lot of Lundberg brown rice cakes—especially topped with peanut butter and pepperoncini—but I’m not putting them out with cheese because I’m not a total monster. So I alternate making my own crackers with signing over my entire paycheck to Mary’s Gone Crackers, whose “real thin crackers” (versus those original seedy tooth-breaking ones that I personally actually love) are our faves, even though there are only about 17 of them in any given box.
Meanwhile, these are the two crackers I’ve made the most in my life: the Buckwheat Slab Crackers in Janet Elsbach’s gorgeous book Extra Helping (Oh, I see she also has a slightly different version of this recipe on her blog here)
and my Chickpea Crackers,
which don’t require a rolling pin and which are a great way to use up any Bob’s Red Mill Gluten-Free Flour that you got without realizing it would make everything—cookies, pie, waffles, birthday cupcakes, EVERYTHING—taste precisely of beans because it is secretly chickpea flour. I’ve also made plenty of these kind of amazing one-ingredient crackers
and these fantastic cheese crackers
which are fine made with a gf flour blend. Oh, and these blue-cheese pecan crackers, which my mom and I used to make every Christmas and which I don’t have a photo of.
Anyhoo, this new-to-me recipe that I’m sharing today is a pretty good approximation of the Mary’s real thin, even though I hadn’t realized that they would be until I’d made them. Mostly I was just inspired by a photo a friend sent of the ingredients of the Hot Honey Nufs she was devouring.
So I adapted the recipe for Almond-Olive Oil Crackers from the book Salty Snacks by Cynthia Nims, whose Instagram and Substack I’ve been stalking this week, and whose savory taste in food I seem to share entirely.
I got the book (an uncorrected proof no less) from the Brewster Ladies’ Library book sale, and I’m so glad I did because it's full of excellent, craveable recipes like Coconut Crisps with Basil and Chiles, Salami Chips with Grainy Mustard Dip, and lots of crackers and popcorns other snacks. But these are the best crackers I have ever made.
Spicy Olive-Oil Crackers
These are not hard to make—they’re really not—but they’re a little fiddly and fussy, given that the baking is slightly more hands-on than you would hope. Season them however you like. You can skip the honey and/or all of the seeds and spices and they will still be delicious (the original recipe calls for none of these things). Or you can add any favorite seasoning, like za’atar or everything bagel or, ooooohhhhh, cheese I bet.
6 ounces almond flour or meal (about 1 ½ cups)
½ cup brown rice flour
½ cup potato starch, tapioca starch, or cornstarch
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons kosher salt (or half as much table salt)
½ teaspoon cayenne or something else dry and spicy
½ teaspoon ground black pepper
1 tablespoon seeds: I use black sesame and nigella, but you could use anything you like, seedwise (poppy, celery, flax, chia, hemp, caraway, sunflower, fennel, cumin, etc), or you could skip them
1 egg white (or do the flax egg thing—1 tablespoon flax meal stirred into 3 tablespoons water and left to thicken—which will work fine)
¼ cup water
¼ cup olive oil
1 tablespoon honey
Heat the oven to 400.
Whisk the dry ingredients in a bowl. Whisk the wet ingredients in a measuring cup or bowl. Add the wets to the dries and stir well, using a rubber spatula, until a smooth dough forms. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter what texture it is unless it’s dry and not coming together, in which case drizzle in a little more water.
Turn half the dough out onto a large piece of parchment, cover with another piece of parchment, and roll out thin with a rolling pin. Not paper thin—but, like, somewhere between 1/8 and ¼ inch. Peel off the top parchment and use a pizza cutter, pastry wheel, or knife to cut the dough (my keyboard just autocorrected to doh, which is sad and strange) into whatever size crackers you like. Mine are around 1 ½-inch squares or rectangles. You don’t need to separate them at this point. If you want, sprinkle them with a little flaky salt.
Put the parchment with the dough on a baking sheet and put it in the oven for 10 minutes. Now take them out and evaluate them. In my experience they need much more baking and also a little fussing. If any crackers at the edges look done—by which I mean quite brown and crispish (they will crisp more as they cool)—remove them to a cooling rack. And then separate the rest of the crackers so there’s space between them (if you can’t do this yet, then just bake them until you can) and check them again in 3 minutes. Repeat, checking on the crackers and removing the done ones, until they are all baked. As Cynthia Nims puts it: “For these cracker in particular, pale crackers will have a dull flavor; better a touch overcooked than undercooked.”
Repeat with the second half of the dough (you can get these rolled and cut while the other sheet is baking).
Cool all the crackers completely then store airtight. Congratulations! You’re basically 85% of a professional baker.
Ok, your fans have questions. Do you eat the pepperoncini ON the peanut butter? Is this a thing? Have the rest of us been missing out?
Not re: crackers, but inspired by you, I’ve been dumping a can of chickpeas into soups I wouldn’t think to and it’s always amazing. A creamy tomato soup. A chicken noodle soup. Even my picky kids actively like it.