Three Things

that are even more exceptionally random than usual

1. Let’s start with the prettiest! It’s this GORGEOUS celery chimichurri, which I ended up making because I didn’t have any herbs, and which I’m now completely obsessed with.

Showing off my 99-cent thrift-shop bowl that we have to assume has no lead in its glaze ammiright.

This is not going to be a super-exact recipe, but here’s the gist of it: Whirr together the leaves and tiny, tender stalks from inside a bunch of celery with 1 or 2 garlic cloves, about 1/4 cup of pickled pepperoncini peppers (or something else spicy and pickled and/or a splash of white vinegar), a nice little heap of grated parmesan, some salt, a pinch of chili flakes, and enough olive oil to keep it all moving—probably around 1/3 cup. I do this in my mini food processor, which I got from the Ocean State Job Lot and which I find very useful for tiny jobs!

Taste it and make sure it’s salty and tangy and spicy enough. That’s it! But look what a difference it makes:

Before

After

You can serve it with any of the meats or tofu or use it to top your soup or beans or grains or probably even pasta, assuming you like celery. We had it last night atop bowls of homely but delicious minestrone, and it was the perfect bright and zippy something extra. Plus, those celery leaves weren’t going to use themselves! And I don’t even have a horrible slimy half bunch of cilantro or parsley groaning out to me in despair every time I open the vegetable drawer.

2. Promised ages ago! This beard plucking mirror. It’s kind of pricey? But Michael gave it to me for my birthday. Not even in a pass-agg way, just because he knew I wanted one given that my chin hairs and eyesight are heading in different directions, if you know what I mean.

   

   After

   

   Before

   It’s got a magnifying side, which is useful but terrifying, and a light ring, which sounds more useful than it actually is, and overall I am a satisfied and semi-beardless little crone. A bonus recommendation: Swiss Army knife tweezers, which are my favorite. Plus you can buy this multi-pack and keep a pair in all of the places, e.g. the doorwell of your car or tucked into your girdle.

3. Crone-on-fire as an all-purpose emoji response. It is never not good.

   

   

   

   

   Happy weekend, darlings.

   xo