Three Things

Don't psychoanalyze me about them, okay?

1. This waxing kit.

   

   I’m sorry to TMI you with this one, but these wax strips are so easy to use. I’m not, like, waxing my own bumhole or anything, and would probably leave such a massive undertaking to the professionals. But just for the unpruned shrubbery that is fully, frankly hanging out of my swimsuit, which I sometimes do and sometimes don’t do anything about? Yeah. It’s good.

   

   Sent to me literally *today*! Birdy is in Valencia for Fallas, which appears to be a celebration of hot moms in their swimsuits!

   Plus: it’s the waxing kit recommended by the Strategist! Does using it make you feel like you’re pressing one of those old fly paper strips to your pubus and then yanking it off again, covered in flies?

   

   No. Why would you even ask that?

2. Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

   

   This is a deliciously sexy show, and it does a great job with its comedic premise, which is the mashing together of violent espionage with all the dull emotional processing inherent to marriage. Plus, Maya Erskine and Donald Glover are just incredibly fun to watch. It moves kind of quickly, which means it doesn’t have the slow, sexy build-up and burn of a show like Killing Eve. But, then again, Killing Eve is probably the sexiest show I’ve ever watched, so that might not be a fair comparison. Plus Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer—don’t even get me started.

3. I tricked you, because the last thing is a CHICKPEA RECIPE! Ha ha ha ha. One thing about me is this: I love recipes and cookbooks and cooking blogs and food Substacks? But unless it’s a recipe based on chickpeas, cabbage, beans, or celery, I’m probably not going to make it because I won’t happen to already have the ingredients. But this recipe calls only for ingredients that I myself already have in the house! Basically, I get home and put a pan on to heat, swirl olive oil into it and add a drained can of chickpeas. Then, while they fry, I figure out what else I’m putting in the salad. For example:

Za’atar Chickpea Salad
Makes dinner for 2 or a side for 4

Even if you don’t have or use the za’atar, this is still so good. But the combination of the spiced, still-warm chickpeas with the crunchy, cold, tangy vegetables, caramel-vibe dates, and creamy, salty feta is completely divine. [OMG! Editing because I forgot about the pepperoncini!]

1 (15-ounce) can of chickpeas, drained and spread to dry on a double thickness of paper towels
2 tablespoons of olive oil
Kosher salt to taste (but lots—like a teaspoon)
1 tablespoon za’atar spice blend (this is my favorite)
1/2 head of Romaine lettuce, chopped
Around 1 cup sliced celery
2 Persian cucumbers, halved and sliced
2 dates, pitted and chopped
1/3 cup sliced pickled pepperoncini
Vinaigrette: 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar, 4 tablespoons olive oil, 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, and 1 optional minced/pressed clove of garlic or a dash of granulated garlic aka garlic powder
1/2 cup crumbled feta

1. Heat the oil in a medium pan (ideally nonstick or very well seasoned) over medium heat until it is medium hot. Add the chickpeas in a single layer, salt them well, and leave them for a few minutes, unmolested by you and your spatula, so they can start to turn a bit golden on the bottom.

2. Now start flipping and turning them every so often, shaking the pan around, until the chickpeas are as crisp and brown as they could be without burning or without taking longer than you can wait. This will take 10-15 minutes, and they really don’t need your full attention. Taste a chickpea for salt and add more if they need it, which they probably do (they’re seasoning the salad). Stir in the za’atar, then immediately take the pan off the heat.

3. Allow the chickpeas to cool a bit while you put the vegetables in a bowl and shake the dressing ingredients together in a jar.

4. Dress the salad lightly (you may not need all the dressing—the rest will keep in the fridge for, like, a month) then top it with the dates, pepperoncini, chickpeas, and feta. Serve it right away.