I am a longtime (Ben & Birdy days) reader but have never made this soup - now I will! I said to my husband the other night, when our 19-year-old was tucked into his bed WHERE HE SHOULD BE (not 2000 miles away in a dorm room), that "all is right with the world." His friends came over for a huge Chanukah party and I found myself taking pictures of *their shoes* - tons of beat-up fashion-y, sporty sneakers lying in heaps by our back door that just made my heart swell. Between his closed bedroom door with him in bed behind it one night and the sneaker/Birkenstock pile the next, I felt a deep sense of right-ness for a few moments in our suffering world.
"But mostly it gets easier, and I try to breathe into it. I try to hold them loosely. I try to have just the right amount of all their favorite things—the gluten-free ravioli and the cherries in syrup and the almond cookies and the bacon—but not so many that the vibe is more tragedy than joy, if you know what I mean."
Oof, I do. And after a weird lull where I wasn't certain any of my fully-adult kids were actually going to fully launch, they are now launching rapidly, one after another. Everything is changing so fast and the changes are picking up speed. There are days I can hardly breathe thinking about it, and your evil capitalist conspiracy theory holds all the water, Catherine. And yet, there is also a big part of me that wants them OUT and finds myself inwardly screaming for SPACE. Sometimes I hold both of these feelings in the same moment. It's very confusing at times.
“Its own surprising horror.” So much yes. “Empty nesting” seems like a discreet thing, like one day it’s full, the next it’s empty. But it’s not like that even though it kind of is.
"Are you laughing because you’ve been to my house some time in the last month and I literally fed you this exact thing?" Don't you mean, last *day*? :)
Well let me just say it's a wonderful party you're hosting here Catherine. Thank you.
My kids are 10, 8 and 4 and there are days when I swear I declare bath time at 5.30pm (thanks, dark winter) and then at 9.30pm (obvsl) they are all finally in bed some sleeping some still talking to me (come on now) and one even saying he feels weird and will probably, maybe? throw up tonight (come on now!) and there comes this email from school about lice in his class and and and ...
And yet. When I do my nightly mama check-ins sometimes I would just pause and have this surprising thought about you and your grown kids (not in a creepy way of course, more of a - what a beautiful and weird and rich life we can live now with our imaginary wise friends from across the globe) and ... i dont even know, it's been one of these days today, and parenting is a lot is what I'm trying to say, I guess, and it's wild, but it's just so much better when you can imagine us collectively breathing into it.. and have good soup and wise imaginary friends from across the globe, too :)
I am new to the party. Here by way of introduction from Joanna (my other imaginary internet friend).
Catherine, I think I love you.
My kids are 2 and 5 and where can I buy your parenting bible?
I can see my future self so clearly feeling vertigo and buying their favourite pasta. While I don’t wish time away I love this writing so much. Lentil soup happening tonight. X
Yes yes yes. I always think about the scene in the Birdcage when Nathan Lane goes around buying all of their son's favorite things, and he's like, "my piglet is home!" I feel the exact same way when I go buy gluten free bagels and such. Also? I forgot they eat so much when there are two of them. Yikes. But it is SO nice to do that mama check and have both of them at home!
Never met a lentil soup that I didn’t like, but I think this is probably up there with Laurie Colwin’s, and the great Orangette/ Melissa Clark ‘A Quiet Soup’. Definitely trying it this week. Gorgeous writing as always, exceptionally handsome cats and lovely to see a pic of your nearly adults. Hope you all have a great holiday xxx
My kids are nowhere near college age, but I just wanted to pop into the comments to say that I absolutely love your writing style. The mix of poignant and hilarious unique to anyone I’ve read in this realm.
I am here because I discovered your archived ben and birdy posts when I was pregnant with my (almost teen) daughter and have obsessively followed your writing ever since. Board games! Beans! Book recs! I am sure I am one of countless readers who imagines we would be best friends if we ever met irl. So so happy about this substack.
I am a longtime (Ben & Birdy days) reader but have never made this soup - now I will! I said to my husband the other night, when our 19-year-old was tucked into his bed WHERE HE SHOULD BE (not 2000 miles away in a dorm room), that "all is right with the world." His friends came over for a huge Chanukah party and I found myself taking pictures of *their shoes* - tons of beat-up fashion-y, sporty sneakers lying in heaps by our back door that just made my heart swell. Between his closed bedroom door with him in bed behind it one night and the sneaker/Birkenstock pile the next, I felt a deep sense of right-ness for a few moments in our suffering world.
OMG! I also took pictures of the piles of shoes when my kids were home for Thanksgiving!!!
"But mostly it gets easier, and I try to breathe into it. I try to hold them loosely. I try to have just the right amount of all their favorite things—the gluten-free ravioli and the cherries in syrup and the almond cookies and the bacon—but not so many that the vibe is more tragedy than joy, if you know what I mean."
Oof, I do. And after a weird lull where I wasn't certain any of my fully-adult kids were actually going to fully launch, they are now launching rapidly, one after another. Everything is changing so fast and the changes are picking up speed. There are days I can hardly breathe thinking about it, and your evil capitalist conspiracy theory holds all the water, Catherine. And yet, there is also a big part of me that wants them OUT and finds myself inwardly screaming for SPACE. Sometimes I hold both of these feelings in the same moment. It's very confusing at times.
“Its own surprising horror.” So much yes. “Empty nesting” seems like a discreet thing, like one day it’s full, the next it’s empty. But it’s not like that even though it kind of is.
The soup is back! I'm going to put it back in rotation!
ha ha ha!
"Are you laughing because you’ve been to my house some time in the last month and I literally fed you this exact thing?" Don't you mean, last *day*? :)
Ha ha ha! Miss you already.
Well let me just say it's a wonderful party you're hosting here Catherine. Thank you.
My kids are 10, 8 and 4 and there are days when I swear I declare bath time at 5.30pm (thanks, dark winter) and then at 9.30pm (obvsl) they are all finally in bed some sleeping some still talking to me (come on now) and one even saying he feels weird and will probably, maybe? throw up tonight (come on now!) and there comes this email from school about lice in his class and and and ...
And yet. When I do my nightly mama check-ins sometimes I would just pause and have this surprising thought about you and your grown kids (not in a creepy way of course, more of a - what a beautiful and weird and rich life we can live now with our imaginary wise friends from across the globe) and ... i dont even know, it's been one of these days today, and parenting is a lot is what I'm trying to say, I guess, and it's wild, but it's just so much better when you can imagine us collectively breathing into it.. and have good soup and wise imaginary friends from across the globe, too :)
I am new to the party. Here by way of introduction from Joanna (my other imaginary internet friend).
Catherine, I think I love you.
My kids are 2 and 5 and where can I buy your parenting bible?
I can see my future self so clearly feeling vertigo and buying their favourite pasta. While I don’t wish time away I love this writing so much. Lentil soup happening tonight. X
Same same same. My kids are 4 and 2. Love to experience this different season of parenting though your thoughtful and FUNNY lens.
Yes yes yes. I always think about the scene in the Birdcage when Nathan Lane goes around buying all of their son's favorite things, and he's like, "my piglet is home!" I feel the exact same way when I go buy gluten free bagels and such. Also? I forgot they eat so much when there are two of them. Yikes. But it is SO nice to do that mama check and have both of them at home!
Never met a lentil soup that I didn’t like, but I think this is probably up there with Laurie Colwin’s, and the great Orangette/ Melissa Clark ‘A Quiet Soup’. Definitely trying it this week. Gorgeous writing as always, exceptionally handsome cats and lovely to see a pic of your nearly adults. Hope you all have a great holiday xxx
Just here to say we tried this recipe and it’s delicious! Thanks for sharing. And thanks for putting your wonderful writing out into the world.
I used to make this for the cookie parties I hosted during the holidays 100 years ago...
“towel hanging on the floor” 😂
My kids are nowhere near college age, but I just wanted to pop into the comments to say that I absolutely love your writing style. The mix of poignant and hilarious unique to anyone I’ve read in this realm.
Also, I definitely want to make this soup.
I am here because I discovered your archived ben and birdy posts when I was pregnant with my (almost teen) daughter and have obsessively followed your writing ever since. Board games! Beans! Book recs! I am sure I am one of countless readers who imagines we would be best friends if we ever met irl. So so happy about this substack.
The empty nest really is akin to vertigo.
Yes! I came for the Lentil soup recipe and I stayed for my own laughter as I continued reading. Cats 🐱 🤣😂
I downloaded the pdf. I have been wanting a new good recipe. Thank you